I am not sure if it’s a female thing, a mother thing, or even a business owner thing but I find I am constantly asked questions. The people around me often turn to me expecting me to solve their issues and answer their questions. And for a long time I would answer, or I would strive to answer them all; that was until I found a better way of course.
Ask questions
Instead of jumping in with the answers or going off to find them, I am a journalist after all. I started to pause. I started to turn the tables and ASK questions rather than answer them. If somebody comes to me now with an issue or a question I am keen to understand more so I can get to the real question which is often different.
Now I am not talking about everything, if somebody wants to know where the toilet is a simple answer is sufficient, and preferable quickly as I don’t imagine there is any deeper meaning there!
Although on a serious note you will need to know when to delve deeper and when to recognise a question is just a question. And you do that by utilising another skill, one many people struggle with …
Listen
They say you have two ears and one mouth for a reason and I have to be honest, listening hasn’t always been my strength – especially if I know the answer. But the reality is most people have a strong need to feel seen and heard and we live in an environment where we are often too busy to fulfil that very basic human need.
After asking a few questions about their issue I listen. For a few reasons; I want them to feel heard and when you do actually listen to somebody it’s usually quite easy to understand what their real issue is and it is often not what they are saying. For example, when I go to a play area my son has this habit of asking me how long is left in the session. Now he does this multiple times and he’s 5 so that is expected. But even at that age when I sat and thought about it, it’s not really about the time left, he actually just wants to communicate and connect with me, he wants to instigate conversation and that in essence is the only way he knows how. It’s a tiny example but a question often isn’t a question.
To give you another example with a bit of depth … I remember a lady talking to me about her finances and asking me several questions. I happily answered but it was only when I really listened that what she was really asking me is ‘am I stupid for not knowing this stuff? How do I not look stupid and make a mistake? I am scared’. Without listening, really listening you often treat the symptom and not the cause, i.e. you give people what they want (answer to the question) and not what they need (the real meat on the bone).
Ask Questions … Again
After listening I will often go back to questions. As a parent particularly I am learning that when you give an answer it solves the issue at the time, but when somebody figures it out for themselves you have made a real shift and solved the underlying understanding. It’s a bit like that with my coaching clients … often they either know the answer deep down but can’t quite get to it or they need a little help. But the reality is people are often smarter than they think. I remember somebody saying one … just imagine if you did know the answer, how would you approach it then?
Often we can be lazy and ask questions to avoid doing the work, I know I have been guilty of that in the past. But the reality is we’re cheating ourselves. Knowing how to solve your own problems is so much more valuable in the long term than getting the answer.
Especially when you are building a self-sufficient team and family; the idea is they can learn to answer their own questions and often they are coming to you for support.
The best way you can support … help them figure out the answer themselves.
If you want that support, if you want that clarity when it comes to your finances then book in a complimentary clarity call where I will go through this process with you. There is nothing better than when the penny drops for somebody and when they get clarity on the next step. If you need or want some assistance with that journey then book a call on my website (www.kellylemon.com).
Kelly Lemon
