There’s a concept I once heard from Mel Robbins that has stayed with me: the idea of a “4am friend.” It’s simple yet profound—do you have someone you can call at 4am when everything feels like it’s falling apart? While the hour is a metaphor (I wouldn’t recommend making that actual call at 4am unless it’s truly urgent), the principle holds.
The point Mel made is that you don’t need a long list of people; you really only need one. But that one person can make all the difference.
The Pressure of Being a Problem Solver
In both life and business, the proverbial “4am call” often comes unexpectedly. During COVID-19, I found myself in situations where landlords, tenants, contractors, and investors all looked to me for reassurance. They needed to hear, “Don’t worry, it’s going to be okay.”
And sometimes, that’s what’s required of you—to hold things together and offer a clear plan when chaos is unfolding. During that period, we didn’t miss a single payment, and we didn’t take a penny of financial support. But it wasn’t just about the money; it was about managing people’s emotions and showing them they could trust that I had things under control.
In other situations, however, the best course of action is to raise the flag and involve the right people straight away. I once faced a development issue where I discovered a serious financial risk. It would have been easy to bury my head in the sand, but instead, I contacted the lender—who was also a JV partner—and tackled the issue head-on.
Knowing who to tell and how to manage information is a critical skill. Problems don’t solve themselves, and as tempting as it may be to ignore them, you’re far better off lifting your head and addressing them than burying it in the sand.
“You don’t drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there.” – Edwin Louis Cole
Conflict is Emotional—Who Can You Call?
Whether in business or personal life, conflicts are inherently emotional. When the stakes are high, it’s hard to think clearly. That’s why having a 4am friend—a person who can offer calm, reasoned advice when you can’t see the way forward—is so valuable.
A close friend once called me during her divorce, overwhelmed and unsure of how to proceed. I’ve had several of these calls over the years. Depending on which side I’m sitting on, my advice differs, but the key is always the same: you need someone who can keep a clear head when you can’t.
Another time, when a friend’s son was packing up for university, I told him, “If you ever find yourself in a situation where your back is against the wall and, for whatever reason, you can’t call your mum—call me. I’m your 4am person.”
We all need someone like that.
The Business 4am Friend
The same principle applies in business. The shit hits the fan more often than people think. When it does, the best thing you can do is pick up the phone. But who do you call?
This is where I come in for many of my friends, clients, and colleagues. A few months ago, a friend was struggling with a property development project that had gone off course. As we brainstormed solutions, another friend quipped, “You should be known as the Property Conflict Queen.”
That moment crystallised what I already knew: resolving property conflicts is my specialty. But whether it’s me or someone else, having a go-to person in these situations is non-negotiable.
Finding Your 4am Friend
If you don’t have a 4am friend, now is the time to find one. Here’s how:
- Identify Your Needs
Think about the areas where you’re most likely to need support—whether it’s property disputes, personal challenges, or financial advice. - Build Relationships
A 4am friend isn’t just someone you pick at random. It’s someone you trust, someone who knows your challenges, and someone who’s willing to help. Invest in these relationships before you need them. - Be Clear About Your Role
If you’re relying on someone as your 4am friend, make sure they know it. This clarity strengthens the bond and sets expectations.
Are You a 4am Friend?
It’s also worth asking yourself: who are you a 4am friend to? And do they know?
In life and business, being that person for someone else is incredibly rewarding. It’s a chance to use your experience to make someone else’s path a little easier.
“Sometimes, we just need someone to simply be there for us—not to fix anything, or do anything in particular, but simply to let us feel that we are supported.” – Unknown
Want to Be Prepared for Property Conflicts?
If you’re navigating a property challenge, don’t wait until the situation spirals. My Free Video Series: Mastering Property Conflict Resolution is designed to help you:
- Handle property disputes with builders, tenants, and joint venture partners.
- Stay calm and focused under pressure.
- Develop the skills to become someone else’s 4am friend in business.
Sign up today to access these resources and join my email list for more insights, tips, and support.
Final Thoughts
We all need a 4am friend—someone we can rely on when life or business throws us a curveball. And just as importantly, we should strive to be that person for others.
Whether you’re facing a property dispute, a personal challenge, or just need someone to brainstorm with, having the right people in your corner makes all the difference.
As The Property Conflict Queen, my mission is to help you navigate these challenges with clarity and confidence. Let’s tackle them together.
Kelly Lemon
